Forced Cuddling and Chocolate Oatmeal Milk Stout Cake


My dog, Stella, and I have a nightly routine. It begins when I get into bed. She is usually already there, curled up at the top of the bed on the pillows. As soon as I get in, she immediately gets up and moves to the foot of the bed. This is actually probably what she should be doing, but instead of just going to sleep with her nicely at my feet, I start talking to her — asking her why she doesn’t like me, and despite lots of pleading and patting the empty space next to me, she doesn’t budge. So, then, we start what I like to call “forced cuddling.”  Since she won’t come to me, I move down to the foot of the bed and basically drape myself over her like a blanket. I tell her how cute she is and how much I love her, and she squirms and makes some unpleasant sounds. She puts up with me way longer than she should, but somewhere around 6 or 7 squeezes, she wiggles her way out of my grasp and crawls under the bed. Only then do I give up and go to sleep. The best part, though, is always that when I wake up, Stella has moved from her hiding place under the bed and is sleeping next to me like a human with her head on the pillow next to mine.  As long as I leave her alone, she always comes back.

I imagine that my routine would be basically the same if I were going to bed with an actual man instead of a dog.


For this week’s dessert, I was thinking of something I could make using ingredients I already had at home. I have a few bottles of Left Hand milk stout (one of favorite beers), so I decided to make some sort of cake with it. My friend told me that I should make a milk stout oatmeal cake, as his mom apparently makes the best oatmeal cake. Oatmeal cake? I’ve never heard of it. But I love oatmeal in desserts, so it sounded like a good idea to me. Naturally, I made coffee icing to go on top. Oatmeal, coffee, chocolate, beer… 4 of my favorite things all combined in a slightly weird but super delicious cake.

I sort of winged this one – but I pretty much just used a combination of this chocolate oatmeal cake recipe and this one from Left Hand Brewing Company.  For the icing, I meant to make this, but I ended up doing some crazy things to it and the finished product was… interesting.

Chocolate Oatmeal Milk Stout Cake with Chocolate Coffee Frosting


2 sticks unsalted butter
1 c. Left Hand Milk Stout
2/3 c. cocoa powder (I used dark chocolate)
1 c. brown sugar
1 c. white sugar
1 1/4 tsp baking soda
1 2/4 c. flour
1 c. old fashioned oats
1 3/4 c. boiling water
2 eggs
$1/4 c. sour cream

1 stick butter
3 c. powdered sugar
1/2 c. cold coffee
1/2 c. cocoa powder
1 tsp. vanilla

  • In a large sauce pan, melt the butter, milk stout, and cocoa powder. Let cool.
  • Mix together dry ingredients
  • Put oats in a small bowl and pour boiling water over them. Let sit for 10 minutes until soft
  • Once cool, mix beer/butter/cocoa mixture into the dry ingredients and beat for 1 minutes
  • add eggs and sour cream, beat for 2 more minutes
  • stir in oatmeal
  • pour into two greased and floured 9 inch rounds. Cook at 350 degrees for 35-40 minutes
  • cool in pans for 10 minutes and then transfer to wire racks to cool completely

What you should  do is whip together the butter and cocoa.  Add sugar, vanilla, and some coffee. Continue to add coffee until you have the right consistency.  What I did was mix everything together at once, and then continued to add more of various things until it sort of worked. It ended up looking pretty awesome, but wasn’t a good consistency. Just a plain, delicious chocolate icing what probably be just as good if not better.








Filed under Feelings, Recipes

2 responses to “Forced Cuddling and Chocolate Oatmeal Milk Stout Cake

  1. Holy Corey that looks so good! Like better than sex good!

  2. That looks so freakin’ good. Better than sex good!

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