Yesterday, I had a moment.
During a routine internet cruise, I happened upon* photos of my college boyfriend’s recent wedding. From what I could tell, it looked like a pretty lavish affair. There were a lot of frills and ruffles and fancy smanshy wedding stuff, and I found myself thinking, “He doesn’t like that kind of stuff! What is this?! Who is this girl?! She doesn’t even know what he likes. He can’t possible be happy.” I am such a girl sometimes. The thing is, I haven’t seen him in 10 years. I have no idea what he likes anymore, and he certainly did look happy.
What brought on this “research,” was an episode of New Girl I watched recently about “backsliding.” The term refers to when you go back to an ex when you know you shouldn’t, but you do anyway because it’s comfortable and you know you can. My wedding photo find today confirmed what I had been fearing — every single guy who I have ever dated for longer than a month or two is now either married or has a child. Now, it’s not that I want to backslide — believe me, I would love to forward slide — but I would at least like the option of backsliding!
So, after realizing that my entire past had moved on and left me along in Singledom, I had a moment. I let myself feel sad and lonely and unwanted and fat and all those things that we sometimes feel. Then, I got up, put my big girl** pants on, and went to lunch. Moment officially over.
* “happened upon” in this case might actually mean, “happened upon through some intense internet stalking”
** “big girl” here is used to mean “adult” and not actually a large in stature woman, although that may or may not also be true.
Today was much better. I got my hair done, I took my first post-surgery long walk to the lake, and I bought some delicious food. One of my favorite things about Cleveland is the West Side Market. The amount of food – delicious, local food – is ridiculous, and it makes me so happy to have this resource practically in my back yard. My only problem with shopping at the market is deciding what to buy. As you probably know by now, I’m horrible at making decisions. I get overwhelmed and panicky if presented with more than a couple of options. West Side Market has A LOT of options. I thought I was doing pretty good today when I confidently asked for 4 lbs of Pork Butt (which by the way is actually the shoulder of the pig, not the butt), and almost had a panic attack when he asked me if I wanted boneless or bone in. I was not prepared for this question! I told him to please just pick for me. I got boneless.
The produce section, while awesome, is also kind of my nightmare. There are rows and rows of seemingly identical booths, and everyone is trying to get your attention with some kind of special. After scoping everything out, I settled on a booth that looked like it had good stuff for low prices. I knew I wanted a couple kiwis and some bananas. This is what happened:
Lady at booth: Sample? Here. (Hands me a toothpick with some kind of delicious food on it.)
Me: Mmmm. That’s good. Thanks. Can I…”
Lady: Yes! Good! Here, try this! (Hands me another sample, this time of a peach.)
Me: Oh yeah, this is good too, thanks! Can I…”
Lady: So, you want this, yes? Both? Mix? I get you both.
Me: Uh… ok… Do you think I can have a couple Kiwis as well?
Lady: Kiwi! Yes! 7 for $2. I give you 7.
Me: Uh… ok…
Lady: Mango! You want Mango?
Me: Oh, I don’t think I need any, but thanks.
Lady: Special for you. I’ll give you 4 instead of 3. Yes?
Me: Uh.. ok… But can I actually also have some bananas?
Lady: Yes. Bananas. I get you 3.
Me: I actually only need 1 bunch.
Lady: (Looks very sad) only 1? Ok. Just 1. How about some limes?
Me: oh, ok.
Got me good.
It is way too hot to bake. So for dinner, I made fruit salad. It was delicious. I’m actually quite happy that I ended up with 4 mangos, 6 peaches, 6 black plums, 7 kiwis, 1 bunch of bananas, and 3 limes.
Too Hot to Eat Anything Else Fruit Salad
Step 1: Buy a bunch of fruit.
Step 2: chop up fruit.
Step 3: put chopped fruit in bowl.
Step 4: eat it!