About a week ago, I saw a picture of myself where I was sitting in the background. I had no idea the picture was being taken, so I couldn’t do the hand on my hip, stand to the side, stick my chin out and up, and think skinny thoughts thing. Instead, I was slouching, and eating. I’m also pretty sure I had 8 chins. I just stared at the photo with an expression that was part shock, part denial, and part disgust. Really? I look like that?! Now, I know that I’m not fat. I know that I’m not ugly. I realize this was just a bad picture. But could I stand to lose a few pounds? Sure. And maybe, if I do that, I wont look so ridiculous the next time someone catches me in the background of a photo.
I’ll also most likely grow a couple inches, get really tan, have impossibly long legs, perfect, straight hair, and all of a sudden be super stylish and sophisticated.
That’s how it works, right?
The day after this picture sent me into panic mode, there was cake in my office. I ate an apple instead. Strangely, It did not taste like cake.
Today, I wanted soup and a sandwich – which sounds like it would be fine – but after looking at the calories, I ate a salad instead. There was no bacon in my salad. It was sad.
Yesterday, I cheated a little bit because it was a good friend’s birthday. We had a couple margaritas and I ordered some sort of chorizo tamale thing that tasted like heaven. My dinner was huge, so I had a ton leftover, and decided that I really shouldn’t eat any more of it if I were going to meet my super model potential.
Not wanting to be wasteful and throw it away, I gave it to my brother (who is currently staying with me). He wasn’t home yet, so I left him a nice little note on top of my to-go box that said, “Please eat this. It was delicious, but I’m on a diet.”
About 10 minutes later, I walked past the food, re-read my note, did a double take, and realized that in my handwriting, “I’m on a diet” looked a lot like “I’m an idiot.”
And Let’s face it, they basically are the same thing.
So, don’t be an idiot. Eat these cookies.
Brown Butter Oatmeal Toffee Cookies
2 sticks unsalted butter
1 1/2 cups flour
1 t. salt
1 1/2 t. baking soda
3/4 cup brown sugar
3/4 cup white sugar
2 large eggs
1 t. molasses
1 t. vanilla extract
3 c. Old Fashioned Oats
2/3 c. chocolate chips or chunks
1/2 c. toffee bits
sea salt (optional)
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper.
In a heavy bottomed sauce pan, brown one stick of butter. You do this by melting the butter until it starts to brown. It will start to smell nutty and have brown bits in it. Make sure it doesn’t burn. As soon as it starts to brown, remove from heat and pour into a glass bowl. Make sure to scrape all the bits out of the pan. Let cool.
In your stand mixer, cream (on medium speed) the other stick of butter with the white sugar until fluffy about 3-4 minutes. Add vanilla and molasses, beat to combine. Once cool, add the brown butter. Then add the brown sugar. Cream for about 2 minutes. Add the eggs, and beat for another minute.
In a small bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, and salt.
Add flour mixture to the wet ingredients and mix on low until incorporated. Stir in oats, chocolate chips and toffee pieces.
Drop rounded tablespoons about 2 inches apart on prepared baking sheet, and sprinkle with sea salt. Bake for 11-13 minutes until lightly browned, but still soft.
Let them rest on the baking sheet for 3-5 minutes and then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.