It’s wedding season! Every summer it happens, and I get so excited. In just under a month, one of my best friends will be marrying a wonderful guy, and I’m so happy for them. The past couple weeks I’ve been busy planning her bachelorette party (or lady shenanigans night as we’ve been calling it), and I’ve kept myself busy. I put on my craft pants and got to work – personalized drinking glasses for everyone, homemade gift bags, banners, and of course… COOKIES!
I’m really happy for them. I love my friends, and I think it is awesome that they are getting married, but at the end of last night, after baking all day, planning, carrying things around in the heat, and just generally being exhausted, I couldn’t help but think, “When the hell is it going to be my turn?!”
And then I feel selfish. I feel so stupid and selfish and dumb, because I don’t want to be that bitter, old girl who resents everyone else’s happiness. But mostly, mostly I just feel lonely.
It’s not all the time. I have the best friends in the world, I have the best family, and I have a dog who is always there to cuddle with me and lick away my tears. But sometimes, I just want someone to come home to. I want a guy to miss while I’m at work, and watch a stupid movie with me when I’m too tired to go anywhere. I want someone to tell me I’m being an idiot when I get too down on myself, or to eat my cookies when I bake in the middle of the night just for the heck of it. Really, I just want someone to be there.
Lately, I’ve had guys show interest. I’ve gone on dates, and for a few nights I’ve felt really special and attractive, but these haven’t worked out. I’m not entirely sure why — either I lose interest, or most recently they just seem to change their mind. It’s easy, during times like this weekend, to feel like dating is hopeless. To feel like I’m somehow getting left out of something, and to wonder what it is I did wrong. Why does it seem like everyone else gets to find happiness?
Luckily, it usually only takes about one night of wallowing on the couch with a bucket of fried chicken to remember that I’m being over dramatic, and that I’m not the only one with issues. Having a boyfriend or husband won’t necessarily make me happy, and there are people out there dealing with issues a lot bigger than a guy not returning their text messages. I know all of this, I really do.
So, I give myself a reality check and focus on my next project or craft and psych myself up for the next engagement, wedding, or baby announcement. Because I’m happy. I really, really am happy. But I’m also really lonely. And for now, that’ll just have to do.
SCRABBLE TILE SUGAR COOKIES
I’m new to the whole royal icing decorating cookie thing (in case you can’t tell by the picture, my hand is just a wee bit unsteady!) so I didn’t actually modify the recipes I used at all. Usually, I change things up a bit and give you my version, but since I went very step by step on these, I’ll just send you to one of favorite blogs where I got the inspiration.
For the sugar cookies, I used this recipe from Brown Eyed Baker: Soft and Chewy Sugar Cookies
The decorating is pretty complicated, and I didn’t really know what I was doing, but she explains it all very well here: How to Decorate Cookies with Royal Icing
Tips from my kitchen:
If you want to make the scrabble tile cookies specifically, here’s what I did:
First, good luck trying to find a square cookie cutter. I ended buying a small plastic square container that was meant for favors at a baby shower, I think? My cookies were a little bigger than an inch tall and wide – larger than an actual scrabble tile. I would just use whatever you can find to cut the cookies into a square shape.
To outline and fill the cookies, I used ivory colored icing and a #2 tip
To do the letters, I used black colored icing and a #2 tip
To to the points in the corner, I used black colored icing and a #1 tip
I also procrastinated and got these done in the last couple hours before the party. I highly recommend not doing that, and giving yourself plenty of time. Don’t be like me – make the cookies the night before! Trust me, it will really help.